Sylvia's Diary 30-01-25

Trust is a hard thing to sort in your head when you’re let down to the extreme. As a human, we are hurt, sad, and then, start questioning ourselves about whether we hadn’t gained respect, belief, and loyalty that in turn brings trust. By the end of it, your brain is fried and you are scarred. But that’s a human, now think about the dogs that come in from homes and end up here. Whether you believe it or not, they hurt. If you were to listen at night to the whines, the howls, the dogs calling for their owners. If you walked around with me at night you’d understand. These amazing animals who have many powers humans don’t have, are sadly unable to process where their owners have gone and why they are here. In time they settle, but in between that they hurt, and I hurt with them.

I have seen many dogs confused, sad, hurting, and worried. I understand how man can screw their minds up and how they can lose their trusting nature. I worked on the Tohono O’odham Reservation in the Sonoran desert, Arizona. There we dipped dogs, took dogs to spay and gave the dogs food. Dipping dogs meant turning up, setting up a bath with something that smelt like paint strippers and waiting whilst huge Monster four by fours rolled in with sometimes 20 odd dogs in the open back of the vehicle. The Tohono O’odham people (who were the local native American tribe) brought these dogs in that had hundreds to thousands of ticks on them. I don’t think they cared about the dogs discomfort and suffering, but they did care if they themselves, and their kids got ticks too. When a tick has drunk enough blood, it rolls off a dog and onto the floor. As it gets thinner, it latches on a new host, man or beast. Anyway, they brought these dogs that lived around their homes and stopped coyotes and snakes etc invading their immediate surroundings, dragged them to the bath where myself and other volunteers dipped them. Before the dogs had got out of their baths, their taxi was gone. You'd see them running frantically after these trucks, never catching up. 50-200 dogs would get dipped each dipping day and get left stranded. Somehow they found their way back most of the time. They were loyal, and even though man did that and abandoned them, they forgave. We were never allowed to castrate the males but were allowed to spay the females. Sometimes they were given to us to rehome too, and still they appeared to long for those undeserving humans.

It takes a lot and usually at a young age to make a dog distrust humans, and the human would have had to be really mean. I will try hard to mirror the dog and his forgiveness. My mum came up with lots of little sayings, some religious, some more like folklore stuff, but I know she would say to me “do unto others as you would have them do to you”…. I will try.

January brings the same calls as ever. This is the time young collies get their debut, a chance to show the farmer their skills, or sadly their downfall. These young collies have never been pets. They were bred to be a useful tool, and if not, they are usually shot. They could be too keen and not stop chasing the sheep when called away, or not keen at all. Either way they are in trouble. This is lambing time and farmers don’t want dogs they have deemed as useless dogs or troublemakers, so every year it’s the same. We have had four arrive today. I really cannot imagine how foreign it must feel to be here. All the staff know this and will be working really hard to help them, even so, I wonder if their trust has just gone down a few notches.

Our sweet Cavalier Shippy, who hardly knew us before she had a huge surgery to help her walk properly, had the three-hour surgery on one leg a few days ago. I have no idea how she had managed up to now, as both hind legs were so poor she was all over the place. She has a very long recovery ahead as soon as one leg is fixed; she has to have the other done. I must thank the specialist who very kindly did the operation here and saved us over half of the quoted £2000 plus for that one leg. Beautiful Angel is mending well and putting on weight well too. It's just the eye we are battling with now and giving drops and ointments every hour. It’s a true labour of love, and yes all who meet her love her. The sweet police officer who was one of the pair of police officers who brought her in came to see her on the weekend and also fell in love with this brave survivor for the second time.

Mowgli with his puppy strangles is also doing so well. He is recovering well, and all day here is loved and cuddled by so many. I think he in turn will grow up to be a truly loving dog, and someone will be so lucky to have him live with them.

Narla came in yesterday too. She was so, so loved, and probably still is by her old owners, but this time from afar. She had to lose her home as neither owner was well enough to care for her. Nowadays people don’t want to adopt mastiff types, and of course being a Dogue De Bordeaux that’s just what she was. If the film Turner and Hooch had just come out, we would have a chance, but sadly that is not to be, so this big lump of a dog may have a very long stay. She was brought in by the family, confident and wagging, but at present has lost that confidence and sits with her head lowered, worrying. I can relate to that.

In just over a month, Many Tears will be entering the digital world of rescues. We have been having a new website built for the last two years. There are many reasons for this but the main one being that our old website was so antiquated that some of the software could not be updated. I don’t understand it all myself, but what I do understand is there is going to be an awful lot of changes… What would you say if I asked you what’s the value of your dog? Well, that’s sort of what I’ve been asked, because this website will only have the capacity to have a certain amount of adoption fees. Of course, we’re not a rich enough rescue to not worry about adoption fees. Though some people see us as a huge rescue, because of the number of dogs that pass through our doors, that comes with a huge price as well. The adoption fee in my mind is just a way to help another dog.. However, to put a price on a dog is something that I find extremely distasteful. I feel the same about a horse, a rabbit, a guinea pig or any animal and the more I think about it the worse I feel about it. I was asked to revise the adoption fees, and then I started thinking about how much work some of the dogs take and how much money it costs to get them to the point where they can go to a home. I think about how we’re going to keep running, and then my head feels fried and I feel like I betrayed the dogs. Then as I walk around and look into their eyes, I think how the hell am I supposed to say that you are worth only £350? Even if it was £3,500 it wouldn’t be enough in my mind. I think I must be an extremist. I don’t think people understand the value I see in a dog, a cat or a horse, and it used to be in a human too, but this week I hate myself. I am so negative and unforgiving towards humans and hurt. Having to put a price on a dog has made it that little bit worse. However, now I am the CEO, and I need to start doing some straight thinking. I need to make sure the rescue can keep running, but I also need to make sure that my dogs here are valued for the amazing and wonderful friends they are. They all could be adopted and loved by somebody. I value them alike, so I better step down from that conversation.

The new website will have all sorts of bells and whistles that will help us be more efficient and get our jobs done quicker and hopefully help the people adopting as well. The people who have been building it, the hired company and the staff from Many Tears, have all put so much effort into it. They and all those who are going to have to learn how to use it properly need all of the support they can. It could be that at the beginning of March there might be a few days which are not typical of Many Tears, where people might not get answers as quickly as usual if they’re wanting to adopt. This will only be because we are all working so hard to make Many Tears an easier, more up-to-date, better place so that the dogs and all the animals in our care can be treated as they should, be advertised as they must be, and be homed as we desperately hope they will be. As I write, I hear a dog howling, calling for maybe its kennel friend, or maybe its family. I’m not sure which dog it is until I go out and have a look. How sad to feel that desperate loneliness they must feel when they are first left and how sad for the owners who have often had to leave them through no fault of their own but through illness or eviction or one of the other hundreds of reasons that dogs end up in rescue homes. I think because my life has been so varied because I went through a divorce and because I understand poverty and desperation, I’m able to help and understand what people are going through. Hopefully one day things will change, and this world will be a happier place.

To cheer myself up, I thought I would go and get some dog love from the inmates, they never judge, never gossip and never fail to inspire me. I headed for Heidi’s kennel. She is a bulldog type, she was given to us and described as a couch potato. She has no idea of her weight, and as you sit, she plonks herself on your lap, kissing and squirming. She loves all men and women alike. She does not judge; she doesn't even take the time to get to know you. She has the preconceived mindset that everyone will love her back the way she loves them. Thus, Heidi needs to be an only dog or with a dog that would not mind her having all the attention, because I am sure she would make sure of that.

I moved onto the collies with their ever hopeful eyes, their wagging tails and lolling tongues. They were ready to run 40 miles, but I am unable to oblige, so they settle for an ear massage, and one rolls over to have a tummy rub too.

Next, I go to a husky called Mika, she has ice blue eyes that look into your soul. She looks and sums you up, she is cautious and calculating, but soon giving and open. What has gone on in her life may be more than us humans want to know.

Then I cuddle Easy, but before I do that, I witness her having a neurological episode. This brings back floods of memories. She stands, her head and neck move forwards, but she just goes into a shuffle moving nowhere. I had seen this precise thing many times with my Auntie J in America. Though her mind was in forward motion, her body at times would not follow, and she did what some sufferers of her disease refer to as the Parkinson shuffle. It's heartbreaking to see. I did some research and watched video’s and as she was in California where marijuana is legal, I begged her to start taking it. This is well documented and really can help those with Parkinson’s. However, she never did, and she suffered so badly. Here, as you know, marijuana is illegal, but CBD oil is not. I went to see the vet to ask if dogs get Parkinson's and was told yes. We will start the CBD oil. This condition will get worse, so Easy now needs a very compassionate human to make what life she has left really good. We have not done a CT scan and cannot be sure it's Parkinson’s, but looking at her, and having seen a human act like that many times I feel it might well be. Once out of her episode, she cuddled with me like nothing had happened. She is just a pup, with such a lot to give, but no special person to give it to.

Next, I went to visit the three Old English siblings. They were not sure of me, one standing back and barking. I got low and ignored them, I got a dog treat from my pocket and started to pretend to eat it. One whiskery nose pushed towards me and another investigated my pocket. I quietly got up, divided the treat, put it down near each dog and left. I did not want to push myself on them until they felt more at ease. As I left, all three came to the door and watched me leave, no barking, just inquisitive expressions awaiting the next event to happen in their lives.

I then see poor Jess, one of our Korean cross breeds. She really needs a home. As a meat trade dog and only narrowly missing being made into dog soup, she truly needs some luck.

I also see our little Whippet type dog, Pup, who is not a pup that's just her name. Pup feels lost with all the loud kennel noise and busy goings on. She is waiting for her new family. Sadly her old family will never come. Luckily for Pup, she is now reserved for a home.

Finally, I watched Angel trotting around the agility yard. I went in and she came over. We have spent a lot of hours together, so she recognised me. She is looking good, except the poor eye, but eyes take time, hopefully it will mend. I felt better then and got stuck into the work of the day.

Running a rescue is emotional, hard work. I cannot just worry about this day; I have to look ahead. I am so sorry if my diary is sad and brings you down, I just want to be truthful and not glamorise or embellish on events. For those who asked, I had my long-awaited CT scan and now need to wait 2-4 weeks.

Thank you for your support, your time to read this and most of all for loving and caring for animals, especially dogs. Sylvia x