Sylvia's Diary 09-01-25

Friday was a busy day making the place tidy and making sure that the new working routine was working well. The staff who weren’t keen to do the new routine starting at a different time and all working at once and not having different shifts are happier now, it seems to have worked extremely well, and everyone seems happy with it, including the dogs.

We knew we were going to have a foster run this week and so we were busy making sure the dogs were ready to go as Kirsty had got up 37 to go out to foster homes which was an incredible amount and that means 37 dogs not in kennels anymore.

One of those dogs due to go to foster is called Mickey and he had spent two years in Ukraine waiting for somebody to love him and a good four or five months with us too. Now he’s in a foster home which we are totally delighted about. 

Saturday’s weather warning had forecast a blanket of snow so we had got all the adoptions for the weekend to go ahead on Saturday in case people couldn’t come on Sunday.

We also knew that the foster run might get cancelled due to the adverse weather which would’ve been such a shame. I sent the staff home half an hour early in case they got caught up in the snow that was predicted to start just when the staff were due to leave work. Funnily enough it did start right on the time they said but later in the evening it turned into rain and sleet and more rain, and it has continued like that all through the night and all through today.
Bill and I had to get up very early in the morning to get ready. Joyce couldn’t do the run this time because she could not get out of her drive because it was so icy, she only lives about half an hour away but round here in Wales where there are mountains the weather changes from region to region very quickly.
David was happy to do the run with Kirsty and we managed to get all the dogs on board only to be told at the last minute that the people coming from the North to meet the run had terrible snow and couldn’t come, however all the dogs were already on board, so we took our chances and sent them all and our kind fosterers  took an extra one each.

The weather back at the rescue continued to be disgusting and I got the sad saddest email about two tiny dogs whose owner had had a fall and lay on the floor for four days before someone found her, she was taken to hospital but the dogs were left in the house and though the neighbours tried they would not go outside or leave the spot whether their owner had fallen. Another big rescue refused to take the dogs saying they had to have them reported for at least 24 hours before they would come and pick up, the man explained they’ve been there on their own four days already but the person he’d called just said rules were rules, luckily the Red Cross were involved and phoned us, and I sent someone to pick up them up. They are a darling pair a teacup yorkie you who said to be 14+ years old and a little Chihuahua. They are now snuggling together under reheated lamp.

On Friday we had a lovely little dog brought in, she had lived with a German Shepherd who turned on her and she lost one of her eyes. However, the owner kept both and the same thing happened again, and the little dog lost its other eye. Now this sweet darling little dog doesn’t know what’s happened, is not used to being blind, and it’s terrified if a dog comes anywhere near her. She needs a very special home where she’ll be someone’s very, very special dog, but she needs to be an only dog, she doesn’t need to live her life in fear. It breaks all our hearts to see her fumbling around not knowing where she is or what’s going on. One of our girls was taking her home in the evenings but she is terrified of her dogs, so we have felt it’s kinder for her to stay with us now until that wonderful home comes forwards

I’ve put my heart and soul into helping a collie, he came in with the name of AJ. We call him Jake. When he first arrived, he seemed very normal and friendly, and he went to Collie experienced home who later returned to him saying that when he saw a pram he went mad, not in a good way to get it. They were lovely people and we decided to assess him in every way we could, but nothing made him go mad,  pram wheels, even horses he was able to be told no and respond well. However, there was one man here he couldn’t bear, the sound the smell or to see him and if he did, he went into a really big attack mode, he was on the other side of a kennel grid but even, so it looked terrible. 

I phoned up a very experienced police officer who has retired and become a dog trainer on the Scottish borders and had a long talk to him about the dog and he told me I needed to go right back to basics and get really good control And so that’s just what I’ve been working at, and I’ve been working very hard at it, little, short lessons. I get up a bit earlier in the morning and that is very early. I play ball with him to wear him out a little bit so it’s more relaxed. I’ve done a lot of heel work and sits, stays, waits and downs. I taught him the start of scent work and played crazy cardboard box games where he threw them about, and I would call him to me, and he would stop. I worked on paperwork in the vets, and he lay by my side and rested his head on my foot, he trusted me, and I loved him.  

On the Saturday, another person who Jake knew well was caring for him, but he turned on him and before Zavier got into the kennel and bit his hand. After that Zavier could not walk by without Jake losing control and attacking the bars.  I decided there was still hope and decided no man could care for him, and he needed more time to trust as he did me.

On the Sunday I did my usual thing with him, playing ball, fussing him and feeding him. Steph walked him, and Katrina looked after him. Katrina has looked after him before and this afternoon as I walked by Katrina was looking into his kennel and calling him out and he wasn’t coming so I said Jake come on out, and he came out wagging and settled against the fence panels for me to pet him through.

I stroked him and he really enjoyed it, and I talked to Katrina, and I said how lovely he was to me, and how when I sat in the vets, he had sat next to me pressing his body on my leg, melting into me and laid his head on my foot.  Katerina listened and was stroking his head and she moved away slightly to sit on a tyre in his run to see if he would do the same for her as he had for me. He changed from being relaxed and suddenly attacked her, jumping up, biting, ragging, losing his grip and then going in more and more. I tried to open the two entry gates in and Katerina calmly got up dragging along the dog who was latched on to her and walked to the gate. Jakes jaws still locked onto her. She never screamed and nor did I, I told Jake No and called his name, but not till she got over the threshold of one gate did he release her.

I took Katrina to the office to see and assess the damage. Though terribly bruised, her heavy clothing had protected her a lot.  Luckily his teeth hadn’t gone through her clothing but he had made huge bruises on her arms and she was terribly upset. I really was shocked, and I went over to see him and he stood at the gate completely stiff looking at me with a glazed expression and quivering. I don’t know if he knew what he had done or whether he was just in a different world and coming out of some sort of strange seizure. I truly loved this dog and had formed a big bond with him, but he was a dangerous dog. I knew I could not keep him myself as I have 14  dogs and some are biters,  but I know when they would bite and I’ve kept them safe for many years, but this dog I had no idea what would set him off and therefore tomorrow morning when The Vet comes I was going to cuddle him to sleep because if I didn’t something awful was going to happen and I don’t want him to go through anything like being shot by the police and I don’t want him to hurt anyone.

I hate my job so much sometimes and could not bear the thought of the next day.

Monday morning though planned carefully was terrible. Jake had a wonderful run with me and a special breakfast. I asked Chelsea to help, but for some reason he turned on Chelsea. The vet had a struggle to give him a strong sedative, and then Jake and I sat together. Him trusting me, and me being his hangman.

This diary was always meant to be honest, not showing only the amazing the wonderful the fulfilling, but also the sad the bad the unbearable. This is what this morning has been.

I leave for Northern Ireland now. My heart is Breaking.

David and I left to pick up the dogs, me unable to talk, in a very dark place, hating myself, but knowing that it was all I could do to keep all safe. When Jake was in his attack mode, I am sure he would have attacked me too, he really was completely unable to control himself. I know it was not his fault; I know he was screwed up more than likely by man but none of that made me feel better.  The police officer dog trainer was very kind supportive and has helped allot, and my family too, but none of them know how I am feeling really. For I love dogs and loved Jake.

Last night I cried so much that my throat is sore this morning. I couldn’t stop thinking of Jake. There was nothing I could do to keep him safer other than keep him locked up and be the only one who could look after him, but I’m not always there and to do that would’ve meant I couldn’t go and rescue other dogs, ( also honestly if I did not read him right, he could have attacked me). That was also unfair anyway, he would have hated being locked up all the time. I am also not at all sure what made him turn like that as no two people he hated bore any resemblance to the other. The whole thing makes me so sad.  I know that mean people will comment, but they were not here and did not see what happened. I know by telling the truth I have put my head on the chopping block, but honestly no one could make me sadder and feel worse than I do already.

At Many Tears we hold our dogs in great esteem and think that everybody will value them the way that we do. But as I left Many Tears yesterday in the van to pick up dogs in Northern Ireland, already in the lowest spirits we had a phone call from someone who adopted a golden retriever some time ago from us. She had chewed up the man’s conservatory and he was putting her to sleep for this! We said that we would take her back and to bring her in. He said that it was easiest for him to have her put it to sleep then to drive her all the way back.
We asked a staff member if he would leave straight away, and though it would mean he’d be back late he agreed immediately. I had to leave but Mark picked her up having had to drive many hours and he didn’t get back to well after 7 o’clock at night to save her life.

It’s early Tuesday morning and here in Northern Ireland it’s really bitter. The van is made up with snuggly duvets for the dogs, and our journey will start soon driving many miles to bring the dogs back home. We won’t get home till tomorrow and by then both myself and co-driver will be physically and emotionally drained . We keep going by playing talking books, it gives us a release from the job on the long drives between pick ups.

David and I left very early under the ever-greying sky. As we approached our first pick up the heavens unloaded, snowflakes flurried down until there was just a blanket, and the visibility was really poor. We picked up the first dogs and started to slide out onto the road, but within minutes the snow turned to rain, and we had no worries, so we travel to our next pick up and pick up three dogs. We were late to this pick up as we were driving slowly and very carefully. We decided to go the quickest way as the snow was all melted. The route we decided to take to our next pick up was one very big mistake. As we went through the village and the slushy puddles, we turned right through some houses up and incline and the snow started again and started to settle on frozen roads We had no idea as we went that the road would be worse and worse. We decided we must turn round but we couldn’t, and we slid sideways on the road, on the snow and the ice, blocking the whole road, and not being able to turn anywhere. David stayed with the dogs, and I walked a mile or two until I found a farm, talking to my daughter who is tracking me on my phone and Bill all the way. I found a kind farmer with an enormous tractor who drove me back to the van, but even he was slipping all over the place. Bill told me how to put the bolt in the front bumper and the farmer put a chain on and pulled us to safety. We managed to turn around and drive about 3 miles an hour back to the village and took an alternative route, but we were by then over an hour and a half late Then the next pick up we were over two hours late for, my shoes were so soaking however all the dogs were happy, warm, and comfortable. I was shivering so badly. I couldn’t write down the chip numbers. We got to the customs were inspected and then waited to get on the boat. It’s been a scary trip, and I thank my God we are safe though we are not home yet, we at least have got this far without an accident. The weather here in Ireland is a bit like Wales one place can be clear and another place could be thick snow. There is nothing I wouldn’t do to try to get these dogs home safely, but this trip was really a trip I’d rather forget. 

Once home the staff unloaded the dogs, and the vet and vet nurse started meeting them and doing health checks.  Joyce was on the road too picking up dogs. Poor Bill my husband slipped on ice when helping Many Tears and getting second hand filling cabinets. He went over really badly smacking the back of his head so hard it bled, and he thought at first he had broken his jaw. I tried to work hard as everyone else was but twice I broke down and cried ,. Everything reminds me of that day, Jake, the shock of the attack, and the sadness as I had seen it coming really and was not able to keep everyone including Jake safe.

In the afternoon an incident happened that shocked me and brought everything back to the forefront of my mind, humans can be exceptionally cruel. I went to the tyre in the sand school and wept for over 30 minutes.  People say I am so strong, but they have no idea of the turmoil in my head.

The staff have left now, problems have been sorted and I have given the horses and donkeys and ponies their nightly treat, checked the new faces and come in. Tomorrow is a new day, and hopefully I will have cried myself out and wont melt down again tomorrow.

Since reading this you now must see that running a rescue is not all cuddles and fulfilment, but there is a lot more of that than the sadness, and that’s because you all have helped us carry on. You now may not support me for what I did, and it is hard to imagine what happened, but I truly do love dogs and still feel that I made the very painful but right decision.

 Thank you for reading this, your support and I hope your understanding. Sylvia x

Ps last night I received this e-mail from a fosterer of Lux a pup that had an unusual liver shunt killing him. Against all odds and many times, the specialists did not believe he could be saved this is the outcome below. Without you all it would not have been possible, as the surgeries MRIs consults scans etc exceeded £7000 possibly more, as I have not got the final bills yet. The fosters were and are amazing, without their knowledge and care the outcome even with the specialists would not have been the same.

Just to let you know the amazing Lux news, he went to the vet for a day of tests yesterday and was promptly sent straight home because the vet said he’s so well they only need to do bloods. He had bloods taken with no sedation(!) and we’ve just had the most amazing results, all his liver values are normal which was totally unexpected so early on. They really didn’t think he was going to survive, and the vets are all shocked, he may also have helped other liver shunt pups as they now know even the very poorly ones can get through the operation whereas before they would have said it was too late to operate. Thank you so much for giving him the chance he was so determined to live